


Hellfire

by GenesisPhoenixDragon



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Feelings Realization, Flashbacks, Human Experimentation, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:54:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26790973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GenesisPhoenixDragon/pseuds/GenesisPhoenixDragon
Summary: Someone from Levi's past comes back. She's broken, strong and angry. How will he handle facing one of his greatest regrets.
Relationships: Levi/Original Character
Kudos: 6





	1. Face to Face

**Author's Note:**

> A only one the Original Female Character. All the rest belongs to the creator of Attack on Titan.

Sitting across from the man whom was my next keeper. Commander Erwin of the scout regimen. His face was soft as he looked a me. ' _He’s to relaxed given the situation. I know they gave him a crime list. why is he so calm?'_ Crossing my arms before speaking. “you have guts. I’m a high threat. yet you sit across from me while I remain unbound and you are alone.”  
“you wont harm me. I’ve come to make you a deal” he speaks calmly. I process his word’s and  
smirk. The man figured it out. I could tell from the look in his eyes.  
“what is your deal then”.  
Watching him open a file and scan it. _'My file how far back does it go?'_  
“you graduated the cadet training at the top of your class and would have made it to assignment but you were captured by criminals of the underground. You fell off the radar for years as you are now twenty-three years old. You in that time made quite a name for yourself. I wish for you to join the scouts regimen under the command of Captain Levi Ackerman” he stated.  
My eyes narrow as I see his gaze flip to the MP‘s hidden guard. _'Smart man. Playing along. however, did he have to bring him into this?'_   
“I’ll take it Mr. Ackerman is not yet aware of this meeting or your deal” I say as calmly as possible.  
' _No he couldn‘t be. He would have outright refused.'_  
“No and I ask you not to cause him any grief. I know seeing him may be difficult for you and for him.” he starts but I cut him off.   
“I may hate the short stop but I wont let that affect the job. I do that and good people die and no I wont let shorty die if he is in danger either. I except your offer to join the scouts”.  
He smiles softly “you know one day you’ll have to forgive him”.  
 _'Only if he isn’t the same coward as he use to be.'_  
I keep my face blank. “I don’t see hell needing snow coats anytime soon Commander”  
He chuckles and we leave in silence after signing the contract. He’ll be interesting to get to know.  
We road into the compound seeing many scouts training hard while riding up. Seeing him watching over them.   
“All scouts at attention!” immediately all the soldiers lined up and gave the customary salute. Ackerman noticed me and stared in disbelief. _'Yeah still alive now please stop staring at me.'_  
“Everyone this Is Dabria Gaumond our newest recruit, As of today she is joining Levi’s Special operations Unit. I warn you all. Treat her with respect or she is authorized to teach it to you and that is not a lesson you’ll want to learn.” He called. Smirking at the split second panic that crossed the dear Captains face. Oh calm down shorty I wont hurt you.   
“It will be a pleasure to fight along side you all and a honor to be called a scout. You show me respect, I’ll give you the same in return” I pause and look directly at the Captain before continuing  
“Cross me, however and you will not like what comes after.” My gaze flicks away before I finish “Hope we all get along famously.”  
Erwin chuckles “Couldn’t resist could you”.  
I just shoot him an innocent smile.  
“What can I say, some need more of a warning then others”. I see A woman standing behind the Captain glaring at me. _'Looks like someone did not like my message to the short stop.'_  
I send her a smirk before hoping of my horse.  
“Well then Captain, suppose you should introduce me to you’re capable team so we can get to know each other” walking past him I notice he hasn’t changed much in the way of looks. His blank scowling face and steel gaze and neatly cut black hair plus At five seven I tower over the sort stop’s five three frame.  
“This is Petra, Gunther, Oluo, and Eld”. Eld was quiet, his tall thin frame looked guarded and distrustful. His brown eyes watching me carefully, His blonde hair in A loose bun and face unkept. _'Interesting He seems smart but is he strong?'_ Turning my gaze to Oulo I have to keep in a chuckle. Unkempt short curly grayish brown hair his face full of wrinkles that made him appear older then I was told he was. He wore A similar expression to the Captain and seems to try and dress like him. _'He is like Kal always trying to Be someone else. Someone they admired. Sad he can’t get stronger if he keeps trying to be someone else.'_  
“Doubtful a brat like you is worth much” Oulo huffed.   
_'Oh arrogant for someone imitating another. That behavior could get him killed one day. I hope to brake him of it before that happens '_  
Laughing I look off to the Captain “Look at that Captain you have a creep level fan here. Trying to imitate you. I wonder Oulo do you have the skill to match the short stop”.  
 _'Sorry Oulo but this is the best way I know to kick you of this habit.'_  
He lunged at me angrily. Kicking his leg’s out from under him I swat him to the side. Growling as he rushed me from behind. _'Damn don’t let anger control you it makes your moves sloppy!'_ Flipping over his head, I kick him to the ground in the process, before he could regain his composer I had a blood red crystal like blade to his throat and one pointed behind me at   
Petra’s stomach as she thought she could sneak up on me.  
 _'Good girl, trying to help your comrade but you need to be light on your feet.'_  
I take a good look at the girl. She was short like the Captain with med length blonde hair and brown eyes. _'Average looking all and all but She is loyal to her comrades. She needs training but other then that, there is no major issues.'_   
“You need better training. I hope your better at killing the titans then you are at basic combat”.   
“Where the hell did those blades come from!?” Gunther asked in disbelief.  
My gaze shifts to the man. He did not look at me with disdain nor fear. He was composed and his face set in a stern mask. His black hair well kept as was his uniform his dark eyes looking mildly curious as he eyed the red blades in my hands. _'Interesting he and the blonde male Eld seem the most trained and put together. But i’ll need to test them in the future to be sure.'_  
“Doubtful even your dear old Captain will ever figure that one out”.  
“But the Captain is smart he’ll figure it out” Petra growled.  
 _'And there it is blind faith bred from emotion. She should trust and depend on her teammate true but not to the point that she isn‘t willing to find something out herself'_  
“Look little girl if your going to suck up to your captain then at least try to hide it better. Also if he’s so smart he wouldn’t have left his comrade to a fate worse then death. He’s just as much of a monster as the Titans you slay, if not more so.” Looking directly at the short stop who still held his blank stare though guilt still passed his eyes. I’ll give them time. The walls were’t build in a day. I walk away as Ackerman starts scolding his downed comrades.  
“Hey, Erwin where is my room?”   
He cleared his throat trying to hide a nervous chuckle before leading me away.  
“I believe you will be a good addition for them despite your abrasive nature.”  
“ I do what needs to be done Commander”.  
”Try and go a little easier on Captain Levi. I know you hate him but he is still your captain”  
”If you knew what his actions resulted in you‘d realize I am going easy on the short stop”. I state sharply.  
Then the feeling of him placing a hand on my shoulder with a light squeeze.  
“Does it have anything to do with those blades made of blood?” he asked knowingly.  
Glancing at him with a raised eyebrow “Guess I should’t be surprised you are more observant then the short stop.” He chuckles stopping in front of a room.  
“Your room is here Dabria and just know you can always talk to me about it all when the burdens ever become to much” he says giving a warm smile before walking off. Letting out a sigh, I enter my room locking the door behind me. The room was bare only a closet of uniforms, a desk, chair, and a bed sat in the room. Though the room was clean, vary clean.   
Sighing I lay down on the bed after shoving my small bag underneath. I had very few personal possessions. I pull the dog tags from under my shirt and held back the tears. There were twelve on the reinforced chain not including my own which hung on a separate chain. I stare at the minted letters that was all I had left of those I cared so dearly for.  
 _Kal.... are you at peace?_ I trace the letters of his name on one of the tags.  
He always tried to imitate me. I could still picture his brown eyes with that damn blank hollow expression that never quite fit him, Thinking about him the tears start to well up in my eyes, His brown hair cut and well kept. Him trying so hard in training. Always hiding how much he missed the friends and family he was taken from behind a mask he learned from me. I close my eyes and let the last memory of Kal wash over me.  
_The mission had hit a snag. Me and Kal were separated from the others and closer to our target but there were a lot of bodyguards. Someone tipped them off. “Damn there is to many” Kal whispered._  
 _“If we run we die, if we fight there is a chance we will still die. This is a lose, lose situation Kal”._  
 _“Well if we are going to go down” He started._  
 _“Then lets go down fighting” I finished and we launched ourselves into battle._  
 _Kal sliced through the man closest to him as I took out the two behind him. Ten more I quickly counted. The battle raged, Blades clashed. Blood flying. I ran through our target. They were down. We had got them all or so we thought. I turn to face Kal just as A blade was rammed through his back. “NO! KAL!” I screamed enraged charging at the man as he pulled his blade from Kal’s body. As his body hit the ground I cut the bastards head clean off. I dropped to my knees next to a wheezing Kal._  
 _“Come on Kal, Hang in there. We will get you out.”_  
 _Kal gives a weak smile blood falling from his lips._  
 _“Captain we both no thats not true.”_  
 _“I can heal you Kal.”_  
 _He shook his head._  
 _“Captain you know you haven’t had enough of those injections to heal this much damage”._  
 _Tears filled my eyes he was right I couldnt fix his spine anyway. Even if I healed what I could He’ll die anyway do to blood loss. I put my hand to his cheek._  
 _“You fought well soldier”._  
 _“I fought for you my Captain. Promise me Captain, You’ll find your way out of this squad alive.”_  
 _I watched As he used what movement he still had to do his best salute. I give him a proud salute. “It was an honor to fight with you Captain”_  
 _“The honor was mine, comrade.”_  
 _With that I watched the light Fades from his eyes. I heaved his broken body into my arms and carried him to the meet up point. The others saw me approach with grime faces._  
 _We marched on. The moment we arrived back I spoke to the scientists. I would make sure I could heal that kind of damage in the future. I had to._


	2. Remembering Levi

A knock on the door drew my attention, Breaking me from the painful memory and I quickly hid the tags and wiped my eyes.  
“What!” my voice not betraying my pain.   
“Erwin wants us in his office”. I huff and rip the door open pushing past the shocked Captain slamming the door behind me. Damn it! get yourself together! crying won’t bring them back, I walk into the office and salute him which seemed to shock both men but neither said a word.  
“We are going on a scout mission it seems the royalty are restless after the fall of wall maria”. I scoff but nod.  
“Whats the game plan then”  
Erwin smiles and pulls out a map.  
“Squad Levi will be placed in the front left, Henge and her squad with be in the front right. the supply wagons will be in the center with the wagon guards. Squads Bailey, Brian and Elrick will make up the rear guard. I frown at the formation.  
 _no no no this formation is to tight together. It wont work. It‘ll be harder to spot Titans let alone increase the death count._  
“Something wrong Dabria?”  
“What squads are left”  
“Squads Alpha, Tec and Marley why”. Grabbing a pencil and look at him in silent question. He gives a sharp nod for me to continue.   
“If we place Squad alpha here in center front, squad Tec here in far left center and Marley squad in the Far right center we could haver better Titan spotting coverage. Also these areas are all open field which is great for spotting however movement gear is limited. I will not place my squads safety in the hands of that gear in this case.”  
“What do you suppose.” Catching the amused yet prideful smirk on his face had me shaking my head. _Sneaky old man_.  
“The only way to make the gear work in the open field it by using the titans themselves as an anchoring point normally this would be risky as the cables could be easily vulnerable to being pulled. However I have a way around that. Though I wish to keep the particulars of that between you and me Commander.”  
the Commander looks at Levi ”your dismissed Captain Levi”.  
I see the Captains eyes narrow in irritation before leaving. The moment he was gone I launched into an in depth explanation of my plan.  
“Is that safe for you to make”?  
“yes I’ve made far more then this at one time. This is the safest course of action”.  
“so be it you’ll need to make a lot for training as well you have two months to teach the scouts.   
I’ll call them to order. Good to see you taking care of not only your squad mates but the other scouts as will.”  
“I’m a freak, not heartless. No one dies if I can help it” I mutter. Erwin shoots me a look and I roll my eyes. “Not even the short stop”.  
Few hours later I stood next to the commander looking out over the large scouting regimen.  
“ Gaumond here has a way to reduce a titans risk for a short time. Now this is not exact and it has not been tested on the abnormal, however this will still help make the difference between life and death for many of you on this next mission. Now she has the floor.”  
“Now listen up! This arrow’s tip is toxic for titans. It will freeze the blood inside the titan’s body making it unable to move till the blood thaws. Which takes two minutes in a fifteen meter titan. It takes five seconds to work in a titan. It does not matter where on the titan you hit with this arrow as long as it breaks the skin. Over the next two months I will teach you to shoot these arrows. All of you will be given a pair of these gloves.  
do not ever handle these arrows without these gloves. If you break your skin you have one minute to find me before you are completely frozen and unlike a titan, you wont survive. I can remove the toxin before that if you find me in time. However when on mission along with your thirty arrows each you will be given thirty ready to use antidotes. These are not toys so handle with care, Any questions?”  
I see a redhead with glasses look at me with a crazed look in her eye’s.  
“Whats the tip made of?” she asked.  
“Its on a need to know basis.” Erwin stated smoothly.  
“Ok Captains come grab the bows, gloves and arrows for your squad and hand them out training starts now” I call out.  
I watch closely as the scouts lined up in front of a makeshift range.  
“we will start practicing like this first, let you get the feel for the weight and tension on the bows and a feel for the motions involved in firing it. Once you manage to land four out of five bull eyes I’ll move you to the next stage!” I grab a bow and walk forward.  
“Now watch what I do carefully and listen closely! Carefully notch you arrow like so then take aim. You want one finger above where you notched the arrow and two below. You pull the bow string till the arrow’s base is close to your cheek. Keep the arm holding your bow straight. line up your shot. Take a deep breath, exhale then release the arrow before you breath again.” I release the arrow sending it flying into the bullseye.  
“It will take you a while to get the hang of it and you will most likely have the bow string hit your arm till you get the form right.”.  
With that I walked the line watching the scouts practice. Helping adjust the forms of a few here and there. Hearing a stifled curse and turn to see Petra rubbing her arm. I walk up to her.  
“Show me your arm” I order softly. She held her arm out. It was irritated. Probably repeatedly struck by the bow string.   
“Let me see your form” I order and she notches the arrow and draws it back. I adjust her and straighten her arm out more. “release”.  
She sends her arrow flying hitting fairly close to the bullseye.  
“You need to remember to always keep your arm straight”.  
She nodded firmly her face set in complete determination. She is a lot like her. my dear little sister Isabel. _Was that why you chose her Levi?_  
A scream sounds from a yard away and I see a crowd around someone.  
“what happen!”   
Pushing through the I see an arrow on the ground and for a moment I thought I saw Kal hold his arm in pain.  
“Damn Kal how many times do I need to say it. Be careful with those damn things” dropping to my knees I jam the antidote into his blood stream.  
“Who is Kal?” I look up shocked and see Oulo looking at me.  
“He was.... a Friend.” Oulo nods with a look of understanding. “Please be more careful. Do not get cocky. Take it slow till your more use to the motions. Don’t rush. It’s only day one, we still have plenty of Time.”  
Helping him to his feet I notice the Captain watching the exchange .  
“I think that is enough training for today, we’ll pick up again bright and early tomorrow”  
After few weeks have passed, they’ve learned the first stage, now comes firing while riding on horseback.  
I watch with amusement as a few of the scouts fumbled about. There were several accidents from the first day. Them trying to draw a bow while the horse was moving was not easy. I hear loud arguing coming from the tree and I rush over to see three young Scouts screaming at each other. “What is going on here!” I snap. the three snap to attention. I eye the one in the middle a female about fifteen years old with long blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She had a cut on her cheek and her clothes were ripped. The boy to her right has a guilty expression his pale gray eye’s looking at the ground, His black hair slightly tussled. Boy to her left looked furious and glared at the brunette. “Names”.  
The female spoke first though softly. “my name is Sarah Colmen ma’am”.  
“Gregory Milton” answered the brunette gaze never leaving the ground.  
“Fredrick Delmor” the final boy ground out only to be elbowed by the girl.  
“Squad?”  
“We are all on squad Tec”  
“Great now Sarah care to explain what happened.”  
she turned red. “Well Fredrick was trying to help me draw my bow while the horse was walking and Gregory accidently spooked her” she explained.  
“Accidentally my ass he jumped out in front of the horse which knocked her off”.  
“Gregory you are a soldier start acting like it. As for you two. You all are a team, comrades you must all learn to work together. If you don’t more people die.” So from here on out you three will be getting training from me to work on your teamwork am I understood”.  
“Yes ma’am” they salute in unison.   
“Keep practicing you three and meet me out here after the evening meal”. I say walking away.  
while making my way back I hear a loud crash. _What the hell is it now!_ I run towards the sound only to see Captain Levi on the ground with an arrow through his leg.   
I drop next to him quickly cutting his pant-leg away from the wound and break the arrow before shoving a cloth in his mouth. “Bite down and brace yourself” I order before shoving the arrow through his leg. His pain filled screamed though muffled made me cringe. Quickly the antidote was stabbed into his leg while keeping pressure on the wound.  
“Captain look at me” I snap. He shoots me a glare.  
“What happened?”.  
“I was practicing when an arrow went flying into my leg from the west.”   
“Friendly fire. Damn it I told them no arrows today and only to practice pulling the bow string back while moving. Damn brats” I mutter I examine his leg. _No walking on that. He needs Stitches too and now._  
“Hold and keep pressure".  
I pull out my emergency aid kit and pull out a needle and surgical thread.   
“This is going to hurt like hell Captain, bite on the cloth and don’t fucking move”.  
Threading the needle carefully before starting the first stitch I feel Levi’s body tense as he tried not to move. Once done with the stitches on both sides. I started dressing the wound.  
“I’m surprised your even helping me at all”.   
I shoot him a glare “I’m not going to let someone who’s currently under my supervision die even you Captain Levi”. Once the wound was dressed he goes to stand but I stop him.  
“You even try walking on that leg Captain I will knock you out.”  
I then scoop up the short stop despite his protests and walk off toward base.   
Upon arrival I noticed Commander Erwin face was a cross between really pissed off and highly amused.   
“Call them all now”.  
“Scouts at attention!” the commander shouted and minutes later all scouts were saluting.  
“Who used the arrows” I was pissed as hell though not completely sure as to why.  
Sheepishly Petra stepped forward.  
“Why”. I kept my face blank.  
“I wanted to make the Captain proud” she replied meekly.  
“You almost made him dead Petra. If I had not heard him fall. If I came to his aid any later, He would be dead and that blood would be on your hands.” Petra dropped to the ground horrified and what she had done. I felt for the girl, I really did but she needs to understand.  
I go over to her side and knelt down.  
“Petra, You are strong and Its a good thing to want to get better and grow stronger however my orders have reason. Petra what you did. You hurt a comrade with the choice you made. It’s good to trust your instincts just as it is to trust your squad but always keep in mind that each action has consequences and you must choose if you can live with them.You made a mistake but luckily I was there this time. However please be more careful in the future” I explain in a soft voice. She nodded, her eyes watering. I hand her a handkerchief and help her stand before turning to everyone.  
“Training for the day is done.” I say before picking the Captain back up.   
“Room” I asked Erwin. He chuckles at the annoyed glare on the Captains face.  
He leads me through the empty halls and to a dark oak door. He pushes it open and I walk in. The room was spotless. Simple dark gray and white colors though not many personal effects. I set him carefully on his bed before exiting the room. I go to my room to wait till I needed to go train those three young scouts. I sigh what would my sister be saying if she was watching me right now?.

 _“Sis you have the power to heal him”_  
 _Doesn’t mean I want to._  
 _“Sis you know you need to."_  
 _Why? The short stop will heal on his own._  
 _“You need him for the mission”_  
 _Not really we could do it without him._  
 _“For me after all I do care about him”_  
 _Fine._  
Standing back up and make my way back to the Captains room.  
He was where I left him only now changed and reading a book.  
I walk over with my kit and pull out a needle and vial.  
“What is that for?” He glared in suspicion at me.   
“It’s something to help you sleep so you can heal properly” I say giving him the shot.   
Waiting only a moment before he started drifting off.  
I then undress his leg and slice my hand open concentrating on the idea of healing Levi. I let the healing property of my blood drop into his wounds sealing them shut and quickly repairing the damage I then remove the stitches. I take A moment to look over the sleeping Captain. I held in a chuckle As I remembered when we first met.  
_I was sitting in the boot camp’s mess hall eating when I felt eyes on me. I turn and see the three new trainees from the Underground. Good he managed to catch them. Seeing Isabel’s knowing glare, I just shrug. She stormed over and I expected her to take a swing at me but instead hugs me. Shocked I wrap my arms around her. “Do you know her Isabel?” Levi spoke._  
 _“Yeah she’s A good friend of mine actually.” A partial lie._  
 _“Hello I’m Dabria Gaumond”._  
 _“Levi and this one here is Farlan”._  
 _“Ooooh so this is the infamous Farlan and the noble leader Isabel told me so much about”._  
 _Isabel had turn bright red and I chuckled. Levi rose an eyebrow at my words and Farlan turned Red. The Levi boy was a lot more handsome up close._  
 _“Well welcome to basic training. I’m sure you all will finish in the top three. What regime will you be joining?” Playing stupid. Isabel rolled her eyes but played along._  
 _“You know me, It’s all about the scouts”._  
 _“Us as well, will be joining the Scouts”._  
 _“Guess i’ll see you three there then as that my goal.”_  
 _Levi’s eyes held a spark of something but his face was blank._  
 _Something about him, made my heart race. I ignored it though._  
Snapping out of the long blocked memory with a blush. I quickly leave the room.  
 _Why the hell did I have to remember that part!_ A shudder runs down my spine.  
As it was about time to meet the brats I decided to get some supplies and make my way over to the meeting place.  
I see them waiting there as I walk up. The moment they notice me they salute.   
“Ok then all three of you stand back to back and don’t move” I order. They obey quickly and I start weaving A rope In an intricate pattern and then tieing them at there wrists behind their backs all connected. Once satisfied I move away.  
“Your goal is to work together to completely free yourselves. Time stops when all three of you are free” I say as I sit against A tree to watch. It was almost comical watching those three if it wasn’t so pathetic. It took a half hour for Gregory to free himself and as he went to sit next to me I stood. “freeze!” they froze.  
“Can you tell me what just went wrong”. They shook their heads and I groan.   
“You are a team. Gregory you just left the other two to an unknown fate. You do not abandon comrades like that. When you are freed you help them get free of the captors. You do not abandon them. If you do leave for example if the captors are returning or your visual cover is fading. You do alert a superior officer of the situation. You don’t however just walk away without a second thought. We will do this ever day after the normal training till not only you learn that lesson but also learn to escape quicker cause A half hour is just sad”.   
“yes ma’am” they mumble and Gregory mumbles an apology.  
“dismissed.”  
The next day I wander into the dining area and see the three talking. I smile slightly at them so young. They reminded me of my friends in the cadet academy before being taken. They of course died when the wall fell. These three act just like them. I shake my head and grab some food. I was about to go back to my quarters when Levi called me over. I shoot him an annoyed glare but walk over.  
“Yes Captain”?  
“What did you do. How am I completely healed?” He demanded.  
“Alchemy can be quite an amazing thing Captain, When one knows how to use it”. His eyes narrowed in annoyance.   
“You hate me, why waste time and materials on healing me”.  
“Captain, it maybe be true that I hate you but someone else did not. Its because of her that I chose to heal you. Nothing more”. With that I walked away to eat in my quarts in peace.  
That night after dinner I met back up with the three Cadets. They stood firm already in position. Slowly I wind the rope in an intricate pattern and securing it to there wrists.  
“and go!”  
I sit back and watch. There Attempt was abysmal at best. It took an hour before all three were free but at least they didn’t abandon each other.  
“Ok sit down”. Quickly they obeyed.   
“Do you know why it is taking you so long?”  
They shook there heads.   
“This exercise is about teamwork but your still thinking as if you are alone. So long as you keep thinking like that. You will never escape fast enough”. I feel someone watching us but ignore it.  
“When you are on mission beyond the walls or not. Anything can happen. A titan could grab you.  
your gear could fail. Inside the walls there are still bad people that could capture you,trap you, use you. There will be time you can do nothing for a comrade. However could you live with yourself if you could have saved them and yourself but chose not to.”  
The three looked horrified and shook there heads frantically.   
I give a grime smile “you will lose comrades. Some will die. Sometimes right in front of you and there wont be a damn thing you could do. However I am here trying to teach you a mind set that will hopefully limit the times that will happen. Don’t be reckless and you do need to recognize when there is nothing you can do. But you must also recognize when there is a way to rescue both yourself and a comrade. But to do so you must think clearly as a team. That is what this exercise is for. Do you understand?”  
“Yes Ma’am” the shout in unison. I give A sharp nod.  
“Same time tomorrow Cadets dismissed!”.  
They head back into the build.  
“You can come out now Captain”.  
“Your good with them.”  
“Mmm they have a lot to learn but they will get there”.  
“I have a question for you?”  
With a heavy sigh I turn to the Captain. Wincing as another memory hit me.  
 _“I have a question for you”. I hear Levi say from behind me._  
 _I turn with a smile._  
 _“Well I might have an answer for you.”_  
 _Seeing him give a small smirk which made my heart speed up._  
 _“Did you want to spar with me sometime? I’ve watched your performance, your much better then the others here.”_  
 _I turned red._  
 _“Sure Levi Anytime. You’d be a great opponent”._  
I feel a grip on my shoulder snapping me out of the memory.  
“Sorry what was your question”.  
“I was asking if you could give me a little extra help with the bow on horse back tomorrow during the training”.  
I looked at him dumbfounded but find myself nodding without much thought.  
“Thank you”.  
With that I quickly leave hiding a blush I felt creeping up on me.  
Why must my mind keep tormenting me with memories like that.   
The next morning after breakfast I met Levi with our horses and several targets. There were others gathering around as I hopped on the horse. Apparently they were excited for another demonstration.   
I start moving a fast pace and grab my bow.  
“move your body with the horse. Aim the arrow with the pacing of the horse. You must be quick however. Taking aim I fire at the target hitting the bullseye. If you adjust your aim slightly ahead of your target as you move it will give you enough time to actually release the arrow, hitting the target”.  
I then gesture for Levi to try as another memory invades my mind.  
_Me and Levi had snuck out late at night for a ride on our horses. I looked to him as we raced around the compound. He looked more at ease then his usual scowling self. I was happy as I turned my attention ahead of me. I know he had a hard life so being able to help him relax some was an accomplishment to me. As our horses slowed the night air finally settling around us I hear Levi give A small faint laugh. My heart skipped a beat. I look at him once more and laugh myself. Our hair was a mess from the wind as we road. I walk up to him and fix his hair for him before fixing mine. A smile still on my lips._   
A loud thunk snapped me back to the present and I see Levi had hit the Bullseye. People clapping around me. His horse stops in front of me as he hops off.   
“Very nice Captain Levi. But that's to be expected from humanities strongest.”   
He give a slight smirk and I look away.  
“Might want to fix your hair” I mumble as I walk off.  
 _Seriously get yourself together. He abandoned you. He left you to an unknown fate. Stop thinking about all that. You can not after everything. Not after him._


	3. Hellfire and brimstone

That night I met up with the cadets once more. Fixing the rope to them in a new pattern before stepping back. “Now!”  
I watch with pride as they get closer together two unties the first one before he and turns and helps the other two. All and All it took Fifteen minutes and no one abandoned anyone. They made A big improvement.   
“You got it in Fifteen. Not perfect but a lot better. Keep it up and you’ll have it down in no time”.  
“Yes ma’am!” they saluted with smiles on there faces.  
“Dismissed”.  
Each day continued like the last. Everyone slowly but surely getting better with the skills they have been taught. Soon enough the big day arrived. After two months of training the scouts into the ground. I knew we were all ready. I woke up the morning of the mission and made my way down to the mess hall. Seeing the three scouts talking with worried looks. I walk over with my food and sit with them.   
“Ma’am nice to see you” Sarah states with a smile.  
“Why do you three look worried?”  
“I’m not sure if we are ready.”  
“They aren’t the only ones” mutters Petra as she sits next to me.  
“Petra you improved your aim and arm strength by leaps and bounds in the two months we’ve trained. As for you three. Your movement speed and aim was great and your team work is more then up to par now. I have full faith in you all” I say with a smile.  
They seemed to relax and I notice the Captain watching me closely but I ignore him in favor of Oulo who was walking up.   
“Oulo how are you feeling this morning?” I ask.  
“I’m proud to say I more then ready to kill those damn titans” He stated. Chuckling a pat him on the shoulder. “And kill them you will Oulo, you are a strong soldier after all.”  
“ Gaumond why don’t you give everyone the pre mission speech” Command Erwin stated.  
I looked away unsure. “Yeah thats a great idea, you should do it” Sarah stated the two boys readily agreeing.   
“I guess, if you feel that is the best choice” I say awkwardly.   
“You’re the one who trained them all. It was your idea and plan that made this mission all the safer. It’s you that they need to hear from to rally there strength” the Commander states.  
After that was decided and breakfast was over we started getting our gear ready.  
As I sat doing basic gear checks I hear a throat clear behind me. I turn to see Captain Levi standing behind me holding an arrow.   
“What is this made from?”  
“Need to know only remember. Last I checked you where not on the need to know list Captain”.  
“I am still you superior. I demand you tell me what this is made of and how you’ve made so many so quickly”.   
_Is this short stop serious or is he testing me?_  
“and commander Erwin is a higher rank then you and frankly your attempt to test weather or not I’d give restricted information under a rather obvious threat was see through at best”.  
His eyes narrow “What threats”.  
“Stating you are my superior suggests a threat on my status here. Holding a known toxic arrow tip up while standing far closer to my person then this discussion requires shows a veiled threat on my life. The amused and irritated look on the Commanders face behind you shows he did not ask you to do this but allowed it anyway. Probably because he wanted to see our reaction”. Getting close to him, my lips next to his ear before saying the rest. “I was told you rarely react anymore let alone pull things like this. Does my presences, the fact I am still alive after all these years. Mess you up that much?” With that said I pull away and wrap my hand around the arrow head and break it. Letting it pierce my hand. Levi seemed to stare in shock.  
“Are you Insane. Why would to do that. Where is the antidote!” The Captain snapped. Both me and Commander Erwin laughed. I was immune to the toxin given how the arrows were made. But then He doesn‘t know that.  
“Calm down Shorty I was just getting a little pay back for that test. I’m fine” I stated holding out An empty antidote dose. _What he doesn‘t know wont hurt him._  
“Gaumond that was a bit on the mean side” Erwin stated while trying to stop laughing.  
“So was the test he pulled. I mean thinking I was that stupid to not see through the test”.   
“It’s time to move out” Commander stated with a shake of his head. I nod and walk out. The journey to the exit gate was full of nervous energy and spiteful whispers from the crowd. I keep my eyes ahead as another memory flashed through my mind.   
_I stood tall atop the wall looking down, Val at my side for this mission._  
 _“Captain there’s so many of them.”_  
 _“I know we must take them out or the scouts will be swarmed the moment they leave the gate.”_  
 _We propel down with an arching swing to cut down the titans that where swarming the wall._  
 _“wasn’t this the garrison’s job?”_  
 _“Apparently they have gotten rather lazy.”_  
 _Val huffed “oh sure the MP’s and garrison have it all comfortable but we have our futures stollen and are tested, tortured and experimented on just so we can take care of the work their to damn lazy to do”_  
 _“We will get free one day Val. Stay strong.”_  
The memory fades at we arrive at the exit gate. I look to the Commander who nods the go ahead.  
“Two months we trained. Two months we’ve mastered a new lethal tactic to kill the monsters that seek to wipe us out! I stand here proud of each and every one of you for the progress and strength you all possess. Of the bravery and fierce fighting spirit I see in all of your faces. I’m here telling you! Together we stand more then ready to take down those monsters. Have faith comrades, in yourselves and your fellow soldiers!” I shout my voice clear and strong.  
“ma’am!” they all salute loudly and with pride.  
“THIS IS OUR FIFTY-FIFTH MISSION! OPEN THE GATE!” Commander Erwin ordered.  
The gate grinds open and we shoot through and into formation through the land that use to be ours.  
we followed the plan and after a few hours A titan was finally spotted. Petra shot forward, Arrow at the ready. Confidence strong in her eyes as she lets the arrow fly. It struck home in the monsters leg. In moments the Titan ground to a painful halt I watch as Sarah and the boys shoot the gear guarding each others sides. But as Sarah went in for the killing blow another Titan grabbed her. “You take down the paralyzed one Ill get Sarah. Someone shoot the damn thing” I hear Fredrick shout. Soon I see an arrow fly over me and strike the Titan holding Sarah In the upper leg. The thing grinds to a halt with Sarah only a few meters away from being lunch. I turn and see it was Oulo who fired the shot. Fredrick cuts Sarah free and gets her to safety as Gregory lands the killing blow. I smile at the perfect teamwork but couldn’t relax as more titans came.  
Things were going smoothly for most of the day. Every titan fell at the hands of the regimen we had many close calls but the arrows and proper warning system gave us the advantage. We were making great time as well but then a warning shot into the air. An Abnormal was spotted. Heading straight towards us. After spotting all the arrows sticking out of it I curse.  
“Its immune! Fall back!” Levi called but I was already anchored into the thing, once flying out of sight of the scouts I slice my hand and form my blood sword and slice through the nap with ease. I look down and panic, Levi was in the path of the falling body taking out another abnormal. I growl and swing around grabbing the Captain and swing to safety. One titan fell on the other and I slice the nap of the pinned one. Suddenly I hear a shout of my name but reacted to slowly I was grabbed by a large abnormal. Fifteen meters tall. Before anyone could react I was dropped into the things mouth barely missing its huge teeth. I reacted quickly and dug my blade into its throat. Steam burning my skin. I turn and slice my hand forming a blade. I rip through the nap from the inside. I brace my self as it falls. Then cutting my way through its throat and stumble out onto the ground in front of Levi.   
“Well I am gonna need five showers after that". Standing with a groan of pain. Broken rib, It’ll heal in an hour or so with my healing ability. I look around and see everyone staring it disbelief.  
once the danger was clear I dropped the blades and watch it absorb into the land. “Any fallen!” I call out.  
“Five fell in the attack of the last abnormal. Trying to get you out”   
my stomach sunk and my heart felt heavy. _Five good men lost there lives today because of me._  
I close my eyes to hide the guilt I felt. Just a few hours ago I told them all they were ready and they had this. Yet now their bodies lay together fallen at the hands of Titans because of me. Looking at the fallen and noticing their tags. I kneel down and take them off. I’ll carry your memories comrades. Be at peace now. The captain was watching me closely but I didn’t care, could’t care about that right now. With heavy hearts we continued for A few hours before night fell and once it did we set up camp in an abandoned ruin. I step away and thread the five tags onto one chain and put it around my neck. I stood on a high perch examining the tags. they were different from the thirteen others that hung around my neck. Both in their make and their meaning.  
The five were made of the same metal at the scouts blades. But the thirteen where made of silver. Feeling Erwin jump up to my side. I didn’t bother hiding the tags from him. Having earned my trust and my respect as a leader over the past months. He was silent for a while. “Who are the others who’s weight you carry” he asked softly the sadness of one who knew such pain, evident in his voice.   
“Those who couldn’t survive the hell fire and brimstone. My sisters and brothers of the Hell Fire squad and I the last survivor and Captain if you can call it that”. Freezing at the name, his eyes showed grim understanding.   
I knew the Hellfire Squad was Infamous. They like the Scouts went beyond the wall but not for information housed in old ruins long forgotten. No we were hunters. Of people and titans. Anyone the royal family chose us to kill we killed.  
“How did you escape them”?  
 _Escape? I wish I had. Then maybe, just maybe they would still be alive._  
“The project was scrapped after the squad was whipped out. They were going to kill me as well however the royals didn’t want such a valuable weapon killed. After all I was the only one that their twisted experiments didn’t kill. Each member all twelve of them were experiments. Each with A Type. Tank, healers, assassins, strategy, marksmen. Then there was me. The Captain, I demanded that I get each injection they get before they give it to them that way they were less likely to be reckless as they needed me more. Due to how fast I learn and my natural strength. I also carried the only injections of the Titan toxin and blood crystal ability. But still each one died from the sideffects of the injection or on mission. But I survived sadly, each and every hellish injection. We worked well together each only getting Injections that fit their role and only after they were first tested on me. But there seemed to be complications every now and then. It messed up their minds, some killed themselves and others went rabid, killing anything that moved and I was forced to put them down. Some just simply got ill and died. Three were killed in action”  
”Was Kal one of them?”   
Closing my eyes and picturing Kal as if he still stood at my side.  
“Yes he was our Assassin and a good friend. So childish in his desire to be just like me. It was that desire that helped get him killed”.  
He pulls me into a careful hug. Tensing a moment at the sudden gesture before relaxing into the hug. _You really are a good man aren’t you Commander._   
“That is a lot of weight for one so young to bare”.  
I chuckle humorlessly “And now five more lives worth is added but those are my burden to bare”. I pull away and give him a sad smile.   
”Just one more question”.  
Looking at the stars above I motion for him to continue.  
“The file stated you had an extreme hatred of Levi, that you claim he betrayed you though, I am unaware as to how”.  
“As you know we were in training together after you brought him from the Underground. We were both under attack. We fought back to back. Next thing you know we both had thick cables around our necks and waist. Our arms pinned to our sides. However I had moved just before the cables hit giving me just enough space to unlatch the cables holding Levi’s arms. After freeing him, he took off not bothering to unhook my arms which only would have took only a moment. He ran like a coward. His female friend the one you saved from the underground was my adoptive sister though he probably didn’t know that as she never told anyone about me. She wanted to gain respect and power by her own means not by name of our father.”  
“The file on him and the other two on my desk that day”. Shocked realization crossed his features.  
“Thats right I was the one who snuck it onto your desk. I wanted to help her and her friends without her knowing. I knew they were smart, strong and worked well together. I spied on them often enough to know that even before I was a cadet.”  
“That is a heavy betrayal even without him knowing your role in his freedom”.  
I glance at him knowing Levi heard everything I said from his betrayal on just as I knew he had not heard anything about the tags.  
 _Damn eavesdropper, never could help himself though._  
I hid the tags under my shirt.  
“You now seem to still hold on to the old persona”. A smile graced my face.  
“When your forged in hell fire and brimstone you learn to survive the heat” I said calmly.  
He leaves after that jumping beside Levi and I hear him calmly say one thing to Levi.  
“I know you’ve changed since then but Levi you need to prove that to her or you will never gain her trust or her respect”.  
 _Erwin you are a good man I hope that trust you put in him doesn’t come back to haunt you as it did me._  
I turn and glance coldly at the man who help ruin my life. I drop down   
“Some how my sister stupidly trusted you. Though I’d love to blame you for her and the man she loved’s death. I wont because that was not your fault. In this world against Titans nothing is guaranteed. I kept an eye on you Levi ,saw the pain and guilt at their deaths. Honestly surprised me you even had a heart at all. It is in her memory and my respect for Commander Erwin that keeps me from ending your life for your betrayal make no mistake on that. It’s her care for you that led me to heal you that night.”  
“Is that why you saved me from being crushed by that titan?” he asked calmly.  
I smirk sadly “No, I saved you because Petra was in line of sight. You may not like her like that but she has feelings for you. Maybe a bit obsessively so. If you died in front of her she would have broke do to her shock and grief”.  
With that I start to walk away but Levi calls to me making me pause and turn my head slightly.  
“The Five cadets, their deaths weren’t your fault.” I say nothing as I continue to walk away.  
 _“I wish I could believe that”._


	4. In remembrance

That morning we continued in formation. Not running in to much trouble. The flare signaling mission success was seen in the air after five hours. Heading back to the wall Levi rode beside me to my left. Petra to my right. As we headed back I saw it. The Large Hole in the wall where the gate once stood.  
“THE WALL HAS BEEN BREACHED!”   
Me and Levi Shoot over the wall to see to Young Cadets pulling a third out of a Titans neck.  
 _Well shit, this is going to be a shit show isn’t it_.  
I land next to the young Cadets as The Captain takes out the coming titan.  
“Care to explain what happened here”.  
 _Show off much._  
I look over the boy they pulled out.  
The MPs soon came to put the boy in a cell till his judgment day as we took out the remaining titans within the wall.   
Following and watching in silence as time wore on and the events that happened was explained.  
The commander had a plan and as I listened in on with a grimace.  
Me, Levi and the Insane Commander stand in front of the boys cell a few days later.  
Seeing the short stop test the boy. Scanning the boys features made me wince.  
The same short brown hair, Expressive and mildly insane green eyes and a fire for freedom raging inside. So much like Eric it hurt. Taking a deep steady breath I notice the boy look at me.  
“Who is she”.  
“That is Captain Dabria Gaumond. She is Captain Levi’s Second in command”.  
“When did I become A captain’s rank?”  
Erwin gave me a irritated look.  
“So that part is going to be made public knowledge then.”  
“The Squad wasn’t A complete secret. Only what they went through is. It is only right the title carries over”.   
Nodding I turn back to the Boy. Eren Yeager.   
“Care to explain it me then” Captain Levi Asks.  
I glare at him.  
“Shut it short stop, you can find out when the courts do”.  
Seeing Eren look between us shocked, I give a placating smile.  
“ If she is his second in command why does she look like she wants him dead”.  
“That obvious”?  
The Commander Chuckles “That Yeager is a long story”.  
“Captain Gaumond...”  
“You may call me Captain Dabria, Eren”.  
Levi looked at me in probably justified shock.   
Eren smiled innocently which made my heart hurt.  
“Captain Dabria will you be at the hearing as well?”  
I give a quick nod before Commander Erwin tells him to rest.  
We walk out and head to the in town HQ for till the court hearing tomorrow.   
The commander rests a hand on my shoulder as we walk.  
“He reminds you of someone. I recognize that look you gave him.” I knew Levi was listening but at this point, He’d find out anyway.  
“Eric Belmont He was like the little brother of the group. He had conviction and a fire in him. He vowed we’d be free of that place. But he fell. I can still remember the day that fire was snuffed out. I wish he and I died in action. He would have rather done that.”  
“And him?” the commander gestured to Levi who was walking ahead of us, Still listening.  
“Your smart to have figured that out.”  
“The day you carried him gave it away. You hate him with a passion. Yet instead of using the flare I gave you, you merely carried him yourself.”   
I blushed a deep crimson as I notice Levi tense.  
“Well I doubt being carried by you or the chick with the glasses would have done his pride any better.”  
“And you care?”  
“Again I’m a freak not a monster and Ill tell you about what you want to know when there is not an eavesdropper walking ahead of us whom is very bad at hiding it.”  
The Commander chuckles and agrees. As Levi visibly winces.  
Later that night I grab a bottle of alcohol and glasses before going to the Commanders office.  
I tap on the door and wait.  
“come in”.  
Opening the door carefully as to not drop anything.  
Erwin notices the glasses and bottle and raises an eyebrow.  
“This story is a bad one isn’t it.”  
I nod as I sit and pour us our measures. I hand him one before downing my glass.  
“His name was Xavier Telmin, He was my second in command and the man I loved.  
Though when we met we butted heads a lot. Mostly because of how similar he was to Levi both in looks and personality. The main difference in looks being the hair. His was long and he always wore it loose. But the eyes, the careful guard. OCD and even his height was the same”   
But unlike Levi, I found I could trust Xavier with my life which he proved many times over. As we got closer the more of our masks we let fall. We loved each other and protected each other. Never slept together though. We vowed to only do that when we were finally free.”  
I pause to down another glass.  
“ We’d lay on the roof and look at the stars. We made the best of a hellish situation. But then he started behaving off, more violent. His eyes became animalistic. He stopping being able to tell friend from foe. He had fallen into pure madness.”  
Another glass was downed as I relive that day.  
_“Xavier Please! Its me. You need to snap out of it.” Tears falling from my eyes as I pleaded with him between sobs. “Remember our promise Xavier.” The man I loved circling me as if I was prey. Blood of the people he killed covered his bare chest and mouth. His eyes filling with rage and pain. He charges at me knocking me to the ground his weight nearly fully pinning me._  
 _“Please Xavier, Don’t make me hurt you. Don’t leave me”._  
 _His body tensed as he forces out the words._  
 _“Kill me Dabria. You have to.” He was only barely there. My Xavier fought not to hurt me._  
 _“Please come back to me” I begged._  
 _“Can’t fight it, please kill me. Free me from this. I....it hurts”._  
 _I nod as fresh tears fell._  
 _“I love you Xavier. I’ll see you again someday”. I give him one last kiss while he was still fighting the insanity before I stabbed him between the ribs and into his heart._  
 _As he died I hear him whisper his last words._  
 _“I...Love...you. Keep fighting”._  
The memory fades as I try not to let my tears fall knowing it was a losing battle.  
I down another glass seeing the pained look on the commanders face as he too downs a glass.  
“I vowed then to shut it all out. I worked, then trained, injections and slept. Eating very other day and only alone in my room. I would have killed myself if not for his final wish. Keep fighting and that I did.”  
“Seeing Levi must cause you a great deal of pain”.  
I down another glass.   
“It did at first. It made me hate him all the more. But that isn’t what Xavier would have wanted. Hell I told him about Levi. He told me that though they may seem similar they are never the same. I’d be dishonoring his memory to compare the two.”  
“He sounds very smart”.  
“He was our strategy expert”.  
The Commander chuckles a bit sadly as I down another glass.  
There is a knock on the door.  
“Come in?”  
Only for Levi to be the one to open the door.  
“Commander we should go over the plan for the court hearing.”   
I wince and the Commander looks at me with sympathy before pouring me another glass.  
The memories that I had reopened were raw in my mind as I refuse to turn to the Captain.  
I down the liquid. My head swimming.  
“How much she have?”  
“Not nearly enough short stop”.  
With that we go over the plan for tomorrow.  
Me continuing to drink despite the worried glanced from the other two.  
“Oi you even going to be able to function tomorrow brat”.  
“Easily, I don’t get hang overs”.  
After the briefing, I stumble to my room and slam the door.   
I fall into my bed and for the first time since his death, cried for his memory.   
I picture the way he looked as I rested against him all those nights. The laughter at old stories we shared. So vivid I could almost feel his arms around me. His support when we would lose another comrade. The feel of his lips as I kissed him one last time. It was to his memory that I fell asleep tears still falling. Curled into a ball alone. With only vague realization that someone had moved away from my door.  
The next morning a wake up dress and make sure no evidence of my break down showed before going to the mess hall. I feel Levi’s eyes on me as I sit at a table next to Petra. No interest in food. I refused to look at Levi. I couldn’t, not right after reliving that pain. Petra looked at me with a frown. “Are you ok?”  
I give her a weary smile “Remembering the fallen”.  
She gives me a soft hug before she leaves me be.  
“Captain Levi, Captain Gaumond lets get to the court house” The Commander voice rang clear.   
Two Hours later we stood in our places in the court house as Eren was brought in and chained to a pole. Most of the court hearing was predictable fear based accusations and Eren letting the defiant fiery attitude explode. I hear the gun cock and Levi jumps to action. I wince as he kicks the shit out of poor Eren. The black haired girl glaring angrily.  
I jump down and look carefully at the boy before forcing myself to look at Levi.  
We now each stand on either said of Eren. Me blocking the gun.   
“I have a plan for Cadet Yeager” The Commander states.  
“Proceed Commander Smith”.  
He then launches into his plan. I then take a deep breath. This is it.  
“We can place the boy in Captain Gaumond and Captain Levi’s supervision. Captain Levi’s record speaks for it’s self and Captain Gaumond was the Captain of the Hell Fire Squad. That alone should show her skill.” Frantic hushed whispers spread through the court. I notice Levi tense in pure shock though his face remained carefully blank.   
“Indeed Commander I shall place the boy shifter In your care till further notice.”  
Me and Levi salute before I unchain and lead the boy to a back room to get cleaned up.  
As I sit in a chair watching Hange care for the boy, I see Levi plop down next to Eren.  
“Oi Brat. Do you resent me now?”  
Eren looked at him shocked.  
“No sir I know it was necessary”.  
A forgiving nature. Seeing Levi’s eyes move to me, I tense.  
“Hellfire squad. The Squad so named do to the hell they had seen and endured. You were their Captain?”   
”Yes”.  
”Wow how did you become the captain?” Eren asked curiously.  
“I was taken against my will after a man I viewed as a comrade left me to their mercy”.  
Levi winced at that.  
“Wait how did the man do that?” The naïve boy asked.  
I quickly explain while leaving out names.  
“He had time to free you and just left?”   
I nod with a small smirk.  
“That's just cruel.”  
Levi looked away.  
“Honestly never knew why he left me there. He had more then enough time. Was it fear? Was it hate?”   
I hear Levi give a low growl.  
“Will you ever forgive the man?”  
The Commander, Hange and Levi freeze.  
I tilt my head to the side in thought.  
“He never asked or explained. If he came up to me. With an honest apology and an explanation. I believe I would give the man a second chance. To prove he isn’t the same person that he was back then.”  
Levi’s eye’s snap to me in shock.  
“So who was the guy?” Eren asked.  
I pause a moment looking at Levi.  
 _Would he have the guts to admit it._  
Levi sighs “That would be me brat.”  
I sit back a bit. Levi looks at Eren tiredly.  
“Well why the hell you leave her?”


	5. Settling things

“Honestly I panicked and didn't know she couldn’t free herself.” He paused and looked directly at me.  
“You managed to get me unhooked and freed so fast. That I wrongfully assumed you’d be able to free yourself. When I saw you being led away I did try to follow but I lost them somehow”.  
I saw in his eyes that he was telling the truth.  
I stand and walk to the man.  
He looked a bit worried at my sudden closeness.  
“I’m sorry for being such a coward after you saved me”.  
With sigh and hold out my hand.  
Confused he takes it and I pull him into a hug.  
“I’ll forgive you. But prove to me you aren’t the same cowardly brat you were back then”.  
Pulling away from the stunned Captain I noticed a smirking Commander and a squeal Hange.  
“Commander next time you want to medal, don’t use poor Eren.”   
Eren blushed sheepishly and the Commander shrugged.   
“As for you Eren, Welcome to the team.”  
He gives me a soft smile. That made my heart hurt a bit.   
_God damn it why do they have to all remind me of them._  
“So Commander what's the plan.”  
“Team Levi will be moved to the old out post so Henge can safely run the needed tests.”  
I visibly wince “Lovely, I hate that word”.  
Once more Levi looked confused.  
“Well at least you and Captain Levi aren’t going to kill each other”.  
“He gave the truth and admitted his mistake. Like I said I’m a freak, not heartless.”  
“Will you stop calling yourself that” Levi huffed.  
“Why would you call yourself that?”  
“That is a need to know issue” the Commander stated.  
“We should head back Levi and get our gear for the move.”  
He give a sharp nod and we leave Eren with Henge till we were ready to go.   
We walked back to the HQ in silents till he finally speaks.  
“You were crying last night”.  
“Reliving a particularly bad memory that's all.”  
“You seem to have a lot of those. Who’s Kal?”  
I give a short explanation to him on Kal.  
Understanding lit up in his eyes.  
“There was thirteen total members of the hellfire squad, Levi and I am the only survivor. I have no shortage of horrid memories. Ones that make a comrade being killed by a titan seem less painful in a way.”  
Levi grimaced “And I remind you of one of them?”  
“Yes.”  
“Who?”  
I glance at him a moment “Maybe one day I will tell you but for now I can’t”.  
He nods and we fall quiet.   
We packed and got the rest of the squad packed before heading to pick up Eren.   
It took a good five hours to get to the outpost. It was run down and would need a lot of cleaning.   
I was in the middle of cleaning when Eld comes up to me.  
“Captain?”  
“I see you where told. What is it?”  
“The hell fire squad what was the point of the squad?”  
I sigh “We took out criminals, scum really, or did the Garrisons job on occasion. We killed many humans and titans alike.”  
“How long?”  
glancing at the man “Fifteen years, I have been Captain of the hell fire squad since it’s creation when I was fifteen. They had become my family after a while. I laid each one to rest myself. It is a harsh world Eld and Titans aren’t the only monsters.”  
He nods silently and retreats back to another room.   
That night I was on watch when Eren awoke screaming. I bolted into the cell and pulled him to me without thought.   
“Shhh it’s ok Eren. It’s ok.”  
“How how it is ok. I’m a monster, the very thing I hate.”  
“No Eren you are not a monster. You never asked for this.”  
“The flashes, the nightmares. What did my father do to me.”  
“Explain.”  
“My father in my nightmare he injected me with something to make me like this.”  
I close my eyes and tighten my arms around him.  
“You aren’t a monster Eren, but sadly you are a weapon like me.”  
“What? what do you mean?”  
“I’m going to tell you something but you must not tell anyone else.”  
He gives a hesitate nod and Explain the real reason we are called the hell fire squad.  
“So your the only survivor of a weapons experiment?”  
“Yes”.  
“W...What all can you do?”  
“My blood, depending on what I want at the time, Can heal or kill others even Titans. My bones are stronger, and I heal fast. I’m faster, and I can processes information at a faster rate. I’m a lot stronger then normal and all five of my senses are unnaturally powerful. Still I am very light despite the muscle, height and stronger bones. So I don’t make a sound when I move. Mix this with non stop training for years. Most of the experiments were simply major physical and mental augmentation. The blood abilities, I am unsure how they created those but only I hold them.Though all of these injection I believe a total five hundred. Has a down side. My squad all had less injections. Only the ones needed to fill their role. I as Captain chose to keep my team safer by allowing them to test each injection on me first. Some went insane, some suicidal, some simply got ill and died. the few lucky ones died in action instead. Then there is me.”  
“How are you alive?”  
“They think it had something to do with the first injection I was ever given, The healing blood injection. They believe it healed the bad aspects and boosted the positive.”  
“So you should be dead but their choice of you being the Captain saved you?”  
“Yes. Originally the second in Command was going to be Captain Levi.”  
“But because you saved him”.  
“They found instead another, almost a twin to Levi. I swear sometimes I thought they were related somehow they looked and acted so similar.”  
“That had to have been weird.”  
“I fell in love with Xavier after a long time.”  
“Before the betrayal how did you feel about Captain Levi”.  
I tense awkwardly at the question.   
“I may or may not have had feelings for him”.  
“It that why the betrayal hurt as bad at it did?”  
“You’re smart kid”.  
“So now that you forgave him”. He trailed off teasingly and I turned bright red.  
“T...That..Well... I...”  
He laughs and I push him playfully.  
“Mean.”  
“So you still have feeling for him?”  
“Yes but I don’t know if...”  
“You feel like it would be a betrayal of Xavier huh”.  
I nod at the words.  
“Wouldn’t he have wanted you to find love again though?”  
I give a faint smile at Eren.  
“He would. Though it isn’t like Captain Levi would ever feel anything for me.”  
“You know I heard he healed super fast after an Arrow accident”.  
“Yeah I healed him.”  
“How you manage to hide the ability from him then?”  
I look away sheepishly “I sort of used a sedative to knock him out.”  
“Wow and he didn’t question that?”  
“Well he did, I just lied”.  
Eren laughed “you know you will need to tell him sometime.”  
“You go to sleep nosey. As for the nightmares. I’m here if you want to talk.”  
He nods and I walk out and up the stairs. Seeing Levi in the mess hall drinking tea.   
“Can’t sleep Captain?”  
He sighs “Insomnia is annoying.”  
“Yes yes it is.”  
“Hows the brat?”  
“Nightmares. Apparently his father is the one to do this to him.”  
“Cold”.  
“Very”.  
“I don’t like where this battle is going. Something isn’t right.”  
“You think there is more shifters?”  
“Yes I think the Colossal and Armored are shifters, And that they are among us.”  
“Sound theory on that.”  
I sit in a seat across from him with a huff. Thinking over what Eren had said. He was right i’d need to tell Levi now that we are separated from most others in case something happened.  
“You asked why I call myself a freak.”  
“Yes”.  
“In a way i’m both very different from Eren and very much the same. You see I was captured to be the Captain of the hellfire squad when it was just being formed. You were to be the second in command. This squad was a weapons experiment. They gave each person injections that fit there assigned rolls, Tank, healer, assassin,Strategist. And then me the main weapon, the captain, In an effort to protect my squad after the first one went insane from the side effect of the injections. I demanded the injections be tested on me first.” I pause and see Levi looked ill at the thought. On top of all of those as I was first captured I was give the first injection. The Healing blood injection. It was the only one they believe the captain is the one who should have it. It's what I actually used to heal you that night. The second injects had they given it to me first, would have killed me. The blood crystallizing ability.”  
“The arrows....”  
“Were made of blood. The antidote was the healing blood. I’m naturally immune to the effect which is why I was in no danger when I broke the arrow in front of you.”  
The other healing abilities were weak forms of the healing blood injection. All of them compounded in my system after Kal, I could not heal the amount of damage he sustained. If I focused on the bone he would have bleed out, if I healed the main wound he would have lost the ability to walk and killed anyway for being unable to continue the program. Kal was the second to die, My second in command last a long time. Only two lasted longer than him.”  
“How did he die?”  
“He lost his mind, killing anything that moved friend or foe. As the captain...it fell to me.”  
“You had to kill him?”  
“Yes. I begged him to fight it, to not make me hurt him and he fought not to hurt me regain enough of his sanity to beg me to kill me, to end his suffering. So I did.”  
“You two were close?”  
“We were. We loved each other. Not that we started that way. No I was still to sore after well how I got caught. He was practically your twin, in both looks and personality. How they found him i’ll never know but it was odd. After the last of the Hell fire squad other than me perished, they scrapped the program. They would have killed me but...I was such a successes that they couldn’t lose a weapon like that. So they set me to the underground, the goal, kill as many criminals as possible. MP’s eventually arrest me and well here we are.”  
“So I remind you of your second in command and lover?”  
“can you call us lovers if we never slept together” I tease trying to hide the pain and ignore the question.  
“Why not?”  
“We made a vow to only go that far after we were free we did not want to risk me getting pregnant and the bastards using the child for more experiments.”   
Levi shuttered at that thought “probably right about that. Not saving you was and always will be my biggest regret.”  
“I lived, scared and wounded but alive.”  
“Your a strong woman, alway was.”  
I made a noncommittal noise before standing.  
“Best we both go to bed Levi.”  
Going to walk off I was stopped by him grabbing my hand.  
“Why tell me now.”  
“Because now we will be working a lot loser together, You should know just who your fighting with.”   
I walk off leaving Levi to fully think about all he learned today.  
Upon entering my room I strip my uniform of revealing milky white skin only marred by a tiny red gem embedded into the skin of my calf.


End file.
